she looked like the before picture.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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