so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
