Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
