I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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