Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
