so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
