how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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