I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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