remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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