wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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