shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
