I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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