babies were throwing up all over the place
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They took my balls.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
