Don't make out with my wife yet
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize