yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
