His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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