**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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