**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
