well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
