good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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