is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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