Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
