porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
