Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
3 2 1 whiskey
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
