So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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