I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
