god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
