Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
