You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
