I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
