So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
