My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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