Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Will exercising make me less horny?
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