And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
