I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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