She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
