Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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