saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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