she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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