SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
