day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
