i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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