I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
