What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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