She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
How external is "for external use only"?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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