Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
