420 ftw
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize