you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
