you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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