cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
