He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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