Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
