I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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