it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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