I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
