There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize