theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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