i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your penis caused this!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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