Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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