The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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