You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
