she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
