he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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