4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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