hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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