so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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