Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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