true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
