I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
