I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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