dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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