I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
