question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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