its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
