You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
